“A Whisker Away” Analysis
We know autistic people can fixate on things, but what does it look like to be fixated on a person? I’m not talking about a celebrity or a character in a show; I’m talking about someone you are physically around—at school, church, work, etc.
Autistic women, in particular, are more likely to hyperfixate on or form a special interest in a person than autistic men, because they are typically more socially motivated. Growing up, I almost always had a special interest in a person in my life. And while an autistic individual can have a special interest in a friend, I usually fixated on whoever I was crushing on at the time.
To really get inside the mind of a fixated autistic person, you need a concrete example, and I may have just found the best representation of this phenomenon ever in film. Have you ever seen A Whisker Away?
I first watched this movie several years ago, but I couldn’t put my finger on why it made me feel uncomfortable—like someone had been reading my journals. Watching it again recently with my husband, I now know why: It perfectly portrays how my special interests in people affect my brain and life.
Quick Disclaimer: I am not saying any of the characters in this movie are intended to come off as autistic by the creators. I am simply discussing the traits that made me feel seen as an autistic woman.
A Whisker Away follows the storyline of a high school girl named Miyo, who has the ability to turn into a cat when she wears a magical mask she received from the sinister Mask Seller. As she wrestles with her mother’s abandonment, dislike of her stepmother and her father’s obliviousness, and her crush’s rejection of her, Miyo begins to spend more and more time as a cat. Eventually, the line between human and animal blur, and she risks being stuck as a cat forever. Now, the fantastical elements of this don’t apply to autism in any real way, but the way Miyo navigates her social life is all too familiar.
If you haven’t seen the movie, I’m going to spoil it for you, because it’s time to discuss the traits and aspects of this movie that made me feel so utterly exposed. Let’s break this down…
#1: Miyo’s Thoughts & Actions
Her Unique Social Flare
Miyo approaches her social life with a certain… flare. Despite not having very many friends, and not being particularly well liked, she runs into the schoolyard with a smile on her face. Why? To see her classmate, Hinode. She has a rather unique way of greeting him. Every day, Miyo performs The Hinode Sunrise, where she runs up to him and bops his butt with hers—nearly knocking him over. It’s a unique greeting Miyo came up with herself, as an expression of love.
In fact, she continuously expresses her adoration of him in odd ways. She yells to the world that Hinode’s boiled potatoes are “salty,” even though what she means is “tasty.” It’s an affectionate way of comparing them to her Mom’s boiled potatoes. Though if I was going to compliment someone’s potatoes, I would say: “What excellent boiled potatoes. Many years since I have had such an exemplary vegetable.”
Autistic people may not communicate their emotions the same way a neurotypical would. I know the more comfortable I’ve gotten in my relationship with my husband, the more uniquely expressive I’ve become—from beaming child-like smiles to wiggling with joy. The more he understands and even mirrors my expressions of love back at me, the more understood and loved I feel.
Everyone Else Disappears When Hinode is Around
Miyo’s inner monologue is what really gives her away. She constantly thinks about Hinode. When she sees him, everyone else disappears, literally turning into nondescript scarecrows. This is perfect imagery for what a fixation feels like in my mind. Ever since I can remember, I’ve had a crush on someone—only ever one at a time, mind you. Whenever he was around, he was all I could think about. Everyone else became background noise. Now, imagine a very sketchy, fat old man gave me the ability to anonymously spend nearly unlimited time with my crush… in the form of a cat. You can darn bet I would have been all over that.
Time Spent with Hinode as Tarou
Every day after school, Miyo visits Hinode as a cat, whom he affectionately named after his childhood dog, Tarou. As Tarou, Miyo only lets Hinode pet her (hissing at anyone else who tries) and stays by his side for hours. She is even more expressive as Tarou—beaming at him and even leaping off a roof into his arms. One might even say… she’s a little more unmasked.
I think this is a really good parallel to just how much time an autistic person spends talking and thinking about their special interest. When I say all the time, I mean it literally. Almost every journal entry as a teenager was about my crush. Writing love letters, taping their yearbook pictures in a locked diary, creating passwords with their initials, and recording conversations on a phone just so you can hear their voice later too—all indications of an intense fixation.
Intensely Protective of Hinode
One day, Miyo overhears some of her classmates belittle Hinode behind his back, assuming terrible things about him that aren’t true. She gets so upset about it that she forgets she’s not a cat for a moment and jumps off a second-story balcony to defend Hinode’s honor.
This reminds me of the time I overheard a gaggle of girls call my crush names behind his back—I felt white-hot rage that I didn’t understand burn through me. I’m not sure how to describe it further, but I don’t think that level of anger is exactly normal.
Autistic Joy Giggle Fest
After Miyo jumps off a second story balcony, Hinode asks if she’s okay and shares his lunch with her. She is overjoyed for the rest of the day. Once she is home and alone in her bedroom, she absolutely loses it, unable to contain her joy. She giggles—even cackles—kicks her feet, and rolls around on the ground.
This is a perfect example of autistic joy, which is an intense, all-encompassing feeling of happiness and excitement that some autistic people experience. Some autistic people experiencing autistic joy will jump up and down, flap their hands, squeal with joy, or (in my case) wiggle. It’s a wonderfully child-like expression of joy that is often stunted by the autistic person themselves for fear of being belittled by others. You know for a fact that Miyo would not have freaked out like that if there were another soul around.
Intense Situational Depression
The only other note I want to make on this point is Miyo’s intense reaction to Hinode’s rejection. Most heartbroken girls would cry and go through a short period of grief or situational depression. But when Hinode publicly breaks her heart, Miyo’s world shatters. She decides that her life would be happier spent as a cat, because at least Hinode loves Tarou. Now, I understand that Miyo struggles with depression, but even so, this is a very strong reaction to heartbreak.
And it brings up an interesting point: Autistic women (in particular) often take longer to recover from heartbreak compared to neurotypical women. This is because autistic women might experience emotions more deeply, have a tendency to ruminate, and have challenges with processing major life changes. The end of a relationship (even one that doesn’t “officially” exist) can feel traumatic for many autistic individuals. This is often made more challenging when an autistic woman has a special interest in their partner, making the process of emotional detachment slower and more painful.
I went through that exact thing when I was rejected by one of my special interests. It felt like my world had been shattered. The situational depression lasted a lot longer than typical heartbreak depression, and we hadn’t even been “official” boyfriend and girlfriend. Thankfully though, I pulled through, and found someone who adores me a few years later.
#2: How Others Perceive Miyo’s Actions
Miyo is known as “Muge” by her classmates, which translates to “Infinitely Mysterious” in Japanese or ”Miss Ultra Gaga and Eccentric” in the English dub. This gives a pretty clear indication that Miyo doesn’t fit in with her peers. The intensity and unique expression of Miyo’s crush on Hinode isn’t “normal”. Yori, Miyo’s one and only friend, even says that Miyo sounds like a stalker at one point.
I don’t know how many of you can relate with that particular line, but I can. I’m not a stalker, but I drove by my crush’s house a couple of times. There was also this one time I may have followed his family’s car to Walmart after school and even cancelled an appointment I had that day just for the chance of seeing him.
I’m not sharing this with you because I’m particularly proud of these actions (I’d honestly rather not share them at all). I just want to help you understand the intensity of a special interest. Understanding how intense they really are can help you navigate this situation with grace if an autistic teen in your life is going through this. That being said, it is still a difficult situation, so parents, I’m going to specifically speak to you for this next part.
Dear Parents with Autistic Children
Parenting an autistic child comes with a unique set of challenges that both the parents and the autistic child are often unprepared to deal with. And this subject in particular is really hard to give advice on, because not only have I been an autistic child, but I am a married adult who can easily imagine myself parenting my own autistic child. So, I am going to tell you what I would do as the parent of an autistic child, not because I think I would do better, but because I know firsthand how difficult managing autistic special interests in people can be…
#1: Get Them Diagnosed
I would start by getting them diagnosed with ASD (if possible), so I can have conversations with them about why their emotions are so intense. Even as a child, I knew the intensity of my emotions wasn’t normal for girls my age. The only explanation my adorable little brain could come up with at the time was that God must’ve imparted some of His love for said person onto me. Yeah… that’s not how that works, and it only confused me more and later caused issues with my relationship with God. But without knowing that I was autistic, there was no other reasonable explanation for my emotions.
By getting my child diagnosed, I can provide a space where they can be kind to themselves, avoid potential confusion as to why they are the way they are, and explain that it’s okay to feel that deeply. It’s out of their control.
#2: Provide Support Before Guidance
I know this is easier said than done, but I would aim to support my child’s special interest before guiding them towards the direction I think is best for them. That doesn’t mean that guidance isn’t important, because it 100% is, but your child needs to know that you are on their side before they can absorb your guidance. If they feel like you don’t understand or accept their special interest, they will clam up and never tell you anything more about it. It’s a very lonely and, frankly, dangerous experience—keeping everything that brings you so much joy (and oftentimes pain) to yourself.
When I was a little girl, my mom told me I was too young to feel that strongly for someone. The next time I shared my special interest in my crush with her, I was almost 20 years old and sobbing on my bed, unable to hide the pain of rejection and abuse that I had carried around for 6 months. I badly needed my parents’ guidance, but my ears were closed to their advice because I felt they would never understand or support my special interests.
And hear me, support doesn’t necessarily mean agreement. You can support someone you don’t agree with. That’s how families and friendships survive, because you will never agree with someone 100% of the time, but you do love them. So there’s a balance there. And for parents, that balance is even harder to find, because it’s not only their job to love their child, but to lead and protect them.
I would be as open as I could be with my child and encourage them to share their emotions and what’s going on in their relationships. If I had been open with my family about what had happened between one of my special interests and I, they could’ve spotted the abuse and helped me get out.
It’s not always on the parents. You need to be open and honest with the people who care about you. Even if you feel misunderstood, it’s better than being abused. Relationships can turn abusive very quickly, and sometimes, very subtly. Autistic people aren’t usually that good at spotting these subtleties, making them easier targets for abusers. I didn’t truly understand what had happened until my husband read my journals with me and compared me to a beaten puppy emotionally: approaching with the uncertainty of whether it would be pet or kicked. He said, “That’s abuse. You didn’t deserve that.”
Special interests in people need accountability for this reason.
By the way, I am by no means ever bashing my parents when I give advice to parents or share parts of my story that didn’t go so well. That’s how we learn. My parents are awesome, and they did their best. When I was 15, my dad let me pick anywhere in the continental US to visit with him—I picked horseback-riding in the mountains of Montana. While we were there, he gave me a letter and a ring, which I still wear every day. Inscribed on it is Proverbs 4:23, which reads: “Guard your heart above all else, for it is the wellspring of life”. That is definitely something I would repeat with my children.
#3: Provide Gentle Guidance
In the movie, Miyo finds balance when she remembers that a lot of people care about her. She starts spending time with them, and finds peace by not hiding from her family and by balancing her relationships. This doesn’t mean she’s less fixated on Hinode, only that she makes space in her mind and life for her other loved ones.
I would encourage my autistic child to find balance in their relationships. Don’t expect it to look exactly like neurotypical balance, because it won’t. Like most autistic people, losing myself in my special interest (crush) happened a lot. So when Gavin walked into my life—my husband—I made sure to approach my relationship with him a little differently than I had previous relationships in the past. This meant purposing to spend time with family outside of the time I was with Gavin. Even though I spent about every other day by Gavin’s side, I ended up balancing both family and boyfriend well.
Final Thoughts
All of this is obviously easier said than done; there is nothing easy about being a parent or being autistic. Relationships are sticky, and they ebb and flow with how circumstances are handled by both parties. If you have an autistic child, I hope these tips help you have a closer relationship with them.
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